


we meet again as our lights go out

by tomlinpoop



Series: I just miss you [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff, I need help, M/M, Part Two, Suicide, and again i am crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-26
Updated: 2014-11-26
Packaged: 2018-02-26 11:54:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2651081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomlinpoop/pseuds/tomlinpoop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry left and Louis has to deal with the kids and his emotions. So he leaves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we meet again as our lights go out

**Author's Note:**

> hiii, so this is part two. hope you like it

Dear Harry,

I got a few things to say before I see you again. 

You are such an asshole. Really. How could you? Leaving me here, the kids asking where you re. do you realize how hard it is to say that their dad is a fucking coward and killed himself when things got rough? You should be happy that Zayn found your stupid note first. He was playing Fifa with Lane when he spotted the note. He sent Lane away en called me. You know what I said? “If it’s a note, fucking burn it.” God, I was so angry.

Harry, sometimes (always) you make stupid decisions. Like that time when you bought your first pair of shoes, fancy shoes I may add. They were damn expensive and what do you do? Go buy the same pair but three sizes too small. But what you always do, you fix your problems. You gave those shoes to me for our first anniversary. Or that time when you asked me to be your boyfriend. You said and I quote: “will you be my girlfriend.” And when you knew what you’ve done, you’ve turned red like hell. I’m sorry I laughed at you.  
But those decisions you made were acceptable. But the one you’ve made right now. Harry. Why? 

Did you even think this through? How you are going to hurt people with your decisions. How the kids won’t grow up with a dad? How I am not able to life without you?   
And now I am going to do the same thing you did. I am going to take my life the exact same way you did; an overdose of sleeping pills and cut myself up every fucking way possible. The only thing I don’t want is that the kids do not find me. They will be traumatized. 

Your wish didn’t come through. Your only wish was that I wouldn’t find you, and guess what I did that same morning, hours after you took your life? I fucking walk into that bathroom where you were laying. And the fucked up thing is, you were so beautiful laying there. You just look like you were sleeping. Peaceful. But then when you lower your eyes, you see your wrist and bloody thighs. Harry, you know what I did not do? I didn’t cry. I was so shocked, I couldn’t cry. 

I didn’t cried, but Lane did. I didn’t heard him walk out of his room and walking to the bathroom, where you were. The blood curling scream Lane made, made my insides turn and my eyes water. I turned around and hugged Lane as tight as possible without choking him. We cried and cried until Liam came and saw us. 

Liam stayed strong for us, wouldn’t let himself cry. He took the kids to have a sleepover. Soph doesn’t understand what you did, but she is old enough to know that you aren’t here anymore. So know that her papa isn’t there anymore to read her bedtime stories, and telling her knock-knock jokes, even though she doesn’t understand them yet. 

Liam called me up that night, saying that Lane and Marie blamed themselves for saying the stuff they said towards you. They are so sorry for the things they never did. 

Is it weird that I wanted to thank you for doing this? 

Now can Liam teach our children to never kill themselves, because suicide isn’t the answer. 

But now it is, because my heart can’t beat if you are the reason for it. And my only reason now is dead. So am I. In a few minutes. 

Our babies, our children, are going to stay over at Liam’s for ever. They going to have the longest sleep over ever. 

But the reason behind it, isn’t the normal reason. 

I am going to abandon our three kids because I am stupidly in love with you. I hope they can understand this. 

 

You know, your funeral sucked major dicks. Everyone was crying or upset. Or angry. Some people were genuinely angry with you. You fucking died and they are angry? Like fuck. I may or may not have punched them in the face. And the first thought came through my mind when my fist hit his jaw was; violence isn’t the answer Lou, you know better. Your stupid voice. Your stupid voice said that. 

I apologised. Because I wanted you to be proud of me. 

Because I always been proud of you, you know. Always. 

Zayn has forgiven me. Happy days. 

Our families were at your funeral, and so much fans. Maybe 2000. All for you. I wish you could saw that. Saw that before you killed yourself. Our fans were crying because you are gone. They sang Same Mistakes. Our song Haz. They knew all along. We never came out. 

But that changed today. I tweeted it. I tweeted; forever in my heart @Harry_Styles, forever my best friend, boyfriend and husband, Yours Sincerely, Louis.   
We should done that way earlier. I’ve got so much support. Our follower count has doubled, even though One Direction broke up six years ago. 

You know, I never regretted falling in love with you, you know. 

The way your curls would bounce everything you would do the dance from boot camp, or the dance we always would dance when we heard c’mon c’mon.   
Or the way your pretty pink lips would wrap around my dick each time at the x-factor when we had sex. 

Or your body, God, your body. At the X factor, you still had your baby-fat around your thighs and stomach. What happened. Where is the sweet, giggly, cute Harry? As you grew older, you became longer and more prettier every day. Your lean body when it would cover mine when we were asleep at night. 

Or your tattoo’s. Harry your tattoo’s which matched mine. When we would hold hands in private, and your arm lined up with mine, we would just connect.

But the one thing I fell in love with is your voice. Your low and slow voice, when you would say I am not fat or that I sang good. Or when your voice when you would come. Those pretty moans. God I miss those. 

Fuck Harry I miss you so much, Marie just asked when you come back and sing her to sleep. 

Harry, if all those stories are true, and you are looking at me from above, please let me know that heaven, or hell, is nice and you’re okay. I need to know if you are okay. If you are okay, I am okay. 

And right know I am not okay. I need you Harry. Like I really need you. I am desperate for you touch, your love. I fucking need you. A part of me wants to stay, stay for the kids, but the other part wants to be with you. Because I fucking know, you’d make me happy. 

Fuck, sorry for the one who is reading this for the blood drops. I just cut my wrist and well, I am not that good with aiming. 

I guess this is not a suicide note, it’s a letter with all my feelings, so you guys who are left behind don’t have questions anymore. Because I know how it is, being left behind with millions of questions in your head. Why, when, why didn’t he tell me he felt this way and many more questions.

So this is it. I am swallowing the last pills and then it’s light out forever for Louis William Tomlinson. 

Goodbye everyone. I love you so much. I love you boys; Zayn, Niall and Liam. I love you kids; Lane, Marie and Sophie. I love you Mum and Dad and the girls.

I love you Harry, see you soon.


End file.
